My Expression on ToHoShinKi

I don't know what I'm feeling. But LOVE is always here in my heart. I'm so drowned in despair and helplessness.

2010-08-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

I hate this. Seriously, I do.YunHo + JaeJoong in SMTown, JunSu + YooChun + JaeJoong in A-Nation. 3 & 2. 1+1+1+1+1=5. Will it ever be the same 5 that I got before when they indeed got back together again?
I am a late fan and so, starting from this few months, I had lots to catch up, to know and to learn about them. Since that's the case, I'm more aware of every differences because I didn't grow with them. I wasn't accustomed to them. So everything was evident to me.
And it's amazing how much they grow. It's amazing how much they evolve. It's a must in life for everyone and I'm proud to say that their development had been more than inspiring. And unlike so many otehr fans, I'm the kind that love them as a group but for individuality. I had always been prepared for the news that one day, they (or at least one of them) would announce that they would like to be a solo artist or maybe, choose another career altogether but as long as I can see the bonds they shared stay and continues to prevail, I can deal with it.
That's why it's killing me now although they are only on hiatus.
They have never ever say anything that shows their inclination for breaking away from the group. They want solo song, but still they want to be in the group. That's why it hurts to know that somehow they had clash of opinion and it hurts more because I'm not even sure if that's the case. Whatever happens, they are celebrities of entertainment industries and nothing is purely genuine. Whatever people say, who can determine whether it's the truth but themselves? And even if they do spoke, what can guarantee that it was not screened by anyone? I feel bad for being mad at them, for doubting the, for believing in them, for everything. I'm stuck and I don't know what to do or feel. What can I help? Always Keep The Faith? I am doing that even now but why does they seems to move on, to forget? It hurts them too, I know, because they're the one living it, experiencing it all from the start but have they no idea how much influence they had over us? Over me? If it wasn't because of them, I might had suicide, or I might had done things I'm sure to regret but do they know? Are they aware that they are my family? They are the support I needed? The only happiness I have? I don't care if you guys are going on separate ways. Even close family sometimes goes different way than one another, live further from each other but the bond, why does it seems deterioting? Is it because they have been a lie? All this time? NO. Of course not. Something so beautiful can't be a lie. It's true, right? You guys are brothers, family. You guys love ach other and care for each other, right? Can you answer me? And be honest with me?
If you had already wanted to break free, why let us keep the faith? Why keep us hanging? If you are going to stick together, what have you done? Is it still protected? Because after all those things that happened, impossible is the word I'm choosing if you said that everything is still the same and you guys are still strong as ever. Because there will, there must be strains in the relationship now. There are the splinters in the heart that would reminds you guys of this, forever. And truthfully, it's suffocating me. Not knowing.
Changes is a must. Differences is inevitable but why can't you fight for it? Is it not special enough? Is it not meaningful enough? Why can't let us know? Why can't help us bear the pain easier?
Is it because it's hard? Is it because there are complications? Is it because you are forced to do it, be it by circumstances or even things and people?
So, then, what are you doing now? Are still smiling with love at each other? Are you still able to tease each other without feeling any hatred? Are you even in contact with each other?
Are you even aware of me? Sadly, for the last question, no matter how much i want to lie to myself, I know all too well that you don't. Is that why you don't care?

My SHELTER is You now and forever... I can't even ask WHY DID I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU. NOTHING BETTER than You.

2010-04-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

Hey! (Don’t Bring Me Down Choosey) Lover!
Although I had always been Proud even until now but as I look at the Picture Of You, I’m desperately Holding Back The Tears.
You’re My Melody, My Destiny, my Forever Love and my only Paradise.
I’ll give up the Magic Castle for your happiness and desire.
Without Beautiful You, there won’t ever be Beautiful Life.
But now I Believe you’ll Break Out someday and then we can Share The World together again.
I know because we are all Survivor. We are One even if we can't stay together.
It’s been a crazy Drive for both you and me.
So let us take it Step By Step now.
Let us enjoy the Tea For Two.
But you won’t be a Forgotten Season because The Way You Are is a already a powerful Mirotic.
It might be Love In The Ice but I’ll keep on looking for the Rising Sun.
A few others can be Crazy Love of Dangerous Mind but I’m a Flower Lady if this is what you wish for.
I Never Let Go because the red Balloons would always fly higher up the Sky...
Whatever They Say, I’ll wait for the Hug and the Purple Line just from you.
This Love Is... Unforgettable and now you know this Love Is Never Gone.
You Always stay in my heart. Do you understand now that Your Love Is All I need?
You’re My Miracle, the Rainbow in my life.
Remember I’ll Stand By You and that I’ll Be There through everything. So, let's Begin!

ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH!

Ini hasil nukilan aku sendiri berdasarkan perasaan aku sekarang dengan menggunakan tajuk lagu mereka... Aku tak kisah sangat kalau pun mereka berpisah dan menjadi solo tapi tolonglah balik menjadi kawan yang rapat seperti adik-beradik macam dulu. Aku rindu nak tengok mereka bersama walaupun sekali-sekala. Harapnya mereka boleh kembali bersenyum ketawa bersama-sama seperti dulu secepat mungkin. Aku akan sentiasa menyokong mereka apa pun terjadi. Tapi masih berharap mereka akan kembali sebagai I kumpulan!

I Miss TVXQ as ONE.

2010-04-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

I hate crying! I hate crying... But you guys make me cries again.
I hate this stupid thought that everything is coming to an end already.
Why the needs for solo activity? Because you guys were prevented from singing any DBSK song at all? Who on Earth possibly thought of that stupid, useless & crazy idea?!
Ever since before, I always like it when you guys go out alone, do things alone, act alone, sing a song of your own, mc alone, or be a guest at any show alone without the other DBSK members but it's only because I knew you guys are still ONE, always, forever TOGETHER. You're like the representatives of a group. A group named Dong Bang Shin Ki. But now... I have too many possibilities in mind. I can't bear if any of it is true. They're all negative!
Anyway, I had voted Stand By You as my most favourite single in a poll. Sorry, didn't remember to copy the site! But truth was, I like almost 95% of their single. Love 80% of it and addicted to more than half of it. But I can only choose 1 so I chose the 1 that is my VideoRingtone now.

THEY CANCELLED ALL GROUP ACTIVITIES... THAT'S FOR NOW. WHAT'S NEXT???

2010-04-07T04:14:00.000-07:00

OK. As a way to show my unwavering support to the boys, I have decided to change my profile pictures. Go to this websites to read more. http://cassiopeialuv.blogspot.com/

Mark this. It would always be the same profile pictures until the day U-know, Hero, Max, Micky & Xiah are back together. I mean back together like close friends/brothers like they used to show/portray publicly before. Either they are ONE band or DISband, I sincerely just don't care anymore. It already hurts so much. It would hurts my heart more if the Rising Gods separates but nothing hurts more to see them so distant with each other. As long as they would stay close friends/brothers like before I would be so thankful. As long as they are allowed to contact, to talk, support and laugh with each others even if it is just occasionally, I am already happy. Just let me see those things that makes me a fan of them. Those things that makes them "different"... and "special"...

I wrote this in the knowledge that I am not any of the boys. I don't really know what truly happen. What really is the trigger to all of this? Is the obvious really is the factor? I have no idea. I can't even guess what they must have felt or what they themselves wanted. (I hate entertainment for this aspect, I can't believe anything) Everything might be planned, anything could be just a lie, something could just be a misunderstanding or anything! I DON'T KNOW. I just know, I would always believe in you boys.

If Dong Bang Shin Ki really do disbands, what hurts the most is the fact that we (fans) were left hoping, beleieving and praying for such a long time. If disbandment are not the boys 's intention, then I'm sure it would be such a hard things to accept for the boys as well after all the effort, memories and resistance. If it does brings closure to them, then, I guess I'll try to accept it and support you guys. But it would be hard. Coz Tohoshinki music are not the same with individual music. I love the whole male band, not only one or the other. (even if I have my own preference/favourite member)

DESTINY, please brings them back together. Sort out all the problems. ease up all the burdens and pressures. I can accept if they disbands, as long as occasionally they're out together but I really would never look at them the same (with respect and admiration) if they severe their friendship... I can't take it.

BREAK OUT.

2010-03-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

Personally, listening and reading the translation of the song in English, I just wanna saya that I believe in you. I believe in the tomorrow. I believe in the future all 5 of you will be back together, smiling, talking and laughing with each other. I believe one day all of you will not be restrained anymore and able to choose your own route, your own way and your own end. I hope that day will come soon. I miss those 5 friends that are always together and understands each other before.

Dong Bang Shin Gi and Bi Rain Jung Ji Hoon

2010-03-05T02:50:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I’ll remind you once again this is personal. I’m a late fan of DBSK and I am not in love with them like a girl’s love to men. I respect and loves them as their fan only. And I’m not crazy about them that i want them to be mine and I don’t wish to bring them down. I enjoy their music and dance and personality so much! So please don’t be mad with whatever I said. (VERY SCARED)

I can’t help but held my breath when I watched Dong Bang Shin Gi and Rain’s performance. I was like head over heels for DBSK but Rain’s dance and movement makes me lose my mind! Haha.

I watched in youtube once and some fans as well as anti fans of both idols are comparing the two and a few of them are quite disrespectful (I think). I mean, everyone are free to like or dislikes anything. We humans are not created the same way, so how are we even going to like the same things? All human? But no need to trash other idols, other peoples because of that. You would defend your own idols, the same with the other people who likes other idols. Can’t you see? The difference and variety this idols brought is phenomenal, that’s what count. That what makes entertainment fun and lively! Healthy competition!

Personally, everone have their positive and negative side. As long as their human. Even idols. For DBSK, I was hurt when they commented that the group’s leader can’t sing. My favourite was U-Know Yunho, the leader so I was double hurt. But one, he is a great dancer. He always do dance that show his flexibility and even when he do dance that is very masculine, I still see his cute side. He’s not the serious, macho, full of masculine guy. I think he’s a very strong but fragile person. Make me enjoy his dance so much. Junsu’s dance on the other hand... So full of sex drive! Haha. Two, of course, I acknowledged that he’s singing are definitely not the best compared to the other members. It’s obvious since his singing part are always less compared to the other members and I also watch their live performance so many times. But he’s excellent in rap and the reason he can’t sing as well as the other members was he used to have problem and surgery with his neck or something. If everyone was so great by themselves, why shouldn’t they debuted as a solo? (Oh no. I suddenly thought about them breaking up and becomes solo artist. NO!!!) And did you know that he’s like a magnet for accidents?? Plus, they’re a boy band. They complement each other well. They becomes more perfect. He still can sing and contribute to the group. How many groups out there who actually doesn’t have any skills at all? Third, he’s so energetic and innocent. He can act too. DBSG members are all very down to earth, friendly and very believable. They’re not someone you’ll think that fakes anything. They had the face and talent.

I agree, Rain’s dance are very masculine. I don’t know how to say it. It’s not like other artist doesn’t have that masculinity, but Rain’s dance is always like, different. Even if others do the same thing, the same choreography but somehow it won’t be the same. Something is missing. And I personally prefer if he would lessen the sound he makes while singing. I don’t know, it sorta ruin his singing ability and he’s so damn sexy it makes you think of “xxx things”. Haha. Plus, he’s someone that you could look up to. He’s very determined and tries very hard in whatever he do. He’s humble and had this aura of an idols. I actually think he’s macho. Or handsome. He had this protective partner aura. When he performs live, his dance never looks like he’s tired but his voice does. But that’s okay, just imagine singing while dancing like that without any disruption to your voice and breath. Very hard. Even DBSG, I can still hear some disruption but that what makes it more fun. Just little. Both can dance, act and sing very well. They’re not artist with no talent. They’re idols with real talents. Human talents that is rare so that is why they are special.

If the idols themselves respect each other and cares for each other, why are you trying to bring them down?

Stand By You by ToHoShinKi.

2010-02-25T00:53:00.001-08:00

Does anyone knows that song? Then you’ll understand more about what I’ll say. Here’s the story. I just listened and watch the song’s music video as well as ToHoShinKi’ live performance. First things first, FANTASTIC job guys!!!!! It’s a really heartfelt and heart wrenching song to listen to. And to be able to sing that song, it must be really touching for you guys. (Again and again I’m wishing I can at least sing that is knowing the pitching and voice range but I can’t, so sad…..) Anyways, let me once again state that I can’t speak or understand any language except for Bahasa Melayu and English. So guys, see what people meant by music is universal? It’s not just the music of the song, I can somehow sort of understand the words you’re saying you know? Then as always, I’ll search for the English translation and I finally understand it 100%.

Ok, I read an interview(?) of them saying something about the song. I can understand what they meant perfectly. You see, the feeling, it’s not only applicable to men. (I feel weird saying that cause sad and sensitive, holding on, treasuring memories, longing feelings are always associated with us women, but it is applicable to men, only it is quite rare men can feel to the extent women feel. Therefore if they themselves can feel that, imagine what us women felt. Ok, weirder still…..) By the way, I listened to it last night while watching their live performance and I cried. It’s quite amazing for you guys to be able to make me cried listening to the song when I don’t even bothered to remember/forget the love memories I had because I just no longer had feeling for them. (I had been in a relationship 3 times, I’m 20 this year…..) I’m the kind that would love quite insanely (I trust whatever he said, I think of him all the time and told him anything about me if he wanted to know and I’ll do anything he wants as long as I’m comfortable with it and etc. My girl friends are all a bit surprised with what I’m willing to accept and forgive like once, I told them I don’t mind if my love had slept with other women before me or when he had done it unwillingly, perhaps he’s drunk and etc even when we’re still together…..) but I have my limits too, I’m very careful as I don’t like being lied to and when they had broken my heart more than enough, it’s time to say goodbye. When I do, I need some time to relax and calm myself, after that, I’ll no longer have any feelings for that man. Scary, huh? But very effective.

Oh my, I have gone out of the topic! Ok, back to the song. I think it is because of their beautiful voice. That itself won’t be able to have effect on me. But they sing it with their soul and their feelings. They are very earnest, pure and sincere. Perhaps they have felt the same once or maybe not. Either way, it was very professional of them. You guys are able to speak to my heart. I FELT LIKE YOU GUYS ARE REALLY FEELING HOPELESS, STILL LONGING FOR YOUR LOVED ONES hearing this song. Their voice, their expression, everything is too much for me. It’s such a beautiful performance. My first love was when I was 15 and he had a smell due to his hair gel. I actually hate the smell when I was still with him but after we broke up, I sometimes smelt it and instantly I remembers him. Even now. I’m no longer mad at him, perhaps cause I’m not in love anymore with him but the memories still follows me. Everytime I would be like, “it’s him!” then to realize that it’s not. The feelings of not knowing, of wishing someone the best though it hurts yourself and all, I felt it deep in my heart just because I listened to the song. You teach me how to felt that way, cause I never sincerely do. So, guys, keep doing it and everything will be fine.

2010-02-21T10:17:00.000-08:00

Suddenly thinking of Dong Bang Shin Gi...
U-Know Yunho
1) Perfect in dancing
2) The way he acts like a baby sometimes, so naturally
3) His acting
4) His rap
5) His unfortunate growing up experience
6) How he's such a magnet for danger, I hate to think that he could be "gone" forever
7) His fighting
8) His hair style in some MVs like Purple Line
9) I feel like he's sort of sad and mysterious sometimes

TOHOSHINKI @ TVXQ @ DBSK - A Journey From A Fan

2010-02-01T07:07:00.000-08:00

I know it's probably foolish and a waste of time to write this. Firstly, here in my secret blog. Secondly, in English. Thirdly, knowing that you guys are so busy. Added with all the "dispute" and such... But I just needed to express myself. Sorry if I offend anyone, you guys or the fans. I'm just a nobody who doesn't understand and know anything but is hurt deeply. Forgive me. I really do admires you guys. And I respect and thanks all those fans who support you guys endlessly.
I come from Malaysia. I'm a moody, gloomy kind of girl though I smiled and laugh all the time. I almost hate everyone and everything. Especially myself. I criticize myself every second and I used to hurt myself (like hitting my head with something hard) when I'm sad, mad or depressed. I didn't think it was fun to live and breathe. I have problems with family (my parents are divorced and my relationship with father sucks), financially (we're always short of cash), friends and loved ones (I'm not really close to anyone and my first love; he bet with his friends that he can make me his girlfriend). I'm just helpless. But you guys make me smile, my heart blossoms and I felt free. I don't know why. I jut enjoyed your song, your music and your dance. I cherished your personality and your history. Somehow, it make me feel alive and I believe that life could be fun and interesting. Watching U-Know Yunho dance makes me really really wanted to learn dancing too but I sucks at it. Surprisingly, I didn't hate mysefl for it but I laugh at myself happily. Thank you DBSK though you'll never know that your existence gives me courage and faith to keep on fighting and enjoying life. Somehow, you guys are my prove of what life could bring.
Truthfully, I just be come your fan this 2 week. Sorry! I come from a rural area, TV was my only source of entertainment. I saw your music video Rising Sun about 4-5 years ago, when I was around 15-16 year old and though I only see it once, I enjoyed the song very much. I don't understand Korea or Japanese (our language is Bahasa Malaysia and I learn English in school) but I can relate to the song. Weird maybe but music is universal. Just like dance is universal. You are the first and only entertainment group that I admires even though I like many celebrities around the world. Coincidentally, later I got to see you guys performed in an award show, (can't remember but I think it's MNet KM Music Festival which was aired late in our country. It didn't even have subtitles so I was watching it quite aimlessly but I really do love the music, dance and all so I didn't care. We're lucky to even get to watch the show actually) and I knew you guys are DBSK. Then, your Banjun Drama, The King's Men was aired and I was lucky enough to watch it cause I was tuned in to that channel at that time even though I didn't know what was coming up next and that you guys were actually in it! I was having so much fun and enjoying everything and then, there's nothing.
I am now studying in Shah Alam for 2 years now, it is an urban area and honestly, I just learn to use the computer here. Last year, my friend gave me the mp3 for Wrong Number and I watch Mirotic music video from her computer. I am so sorry but at that time I never knew DBSK and TVXQ are the same group. I instantly remembered the song Rising Sun and thought, "Wow! This is great! I wonder if this DBSK know TVXQ. What happened to them?" (Embarrassing! My memory failed me.)
Recently, I got my internet connection and just out of nowhere, I wanted to know more about you guys. Guess what, I did research on you guys and to my amazement, I found out DBSK, TVXQ and THSK are all your name. I read some (just a little) of your news, your scandal and all. I went on to search for your mp3ss, videos and performance on Youtube and I ended up not sleeping the entire week. But I don't regret any of it. I even went to the extent of watching you guys on variety shows such as X Man and Come To Play. I become addicted as I felt this is an internationally renown group that is still true to themselves, full of life and personality as well as very down to earth and shows great team spirit.
I wish you guys would come here in the future, when I had already started working. Then I can support you guys, I'll go to your concert and everything though I scarcely goes to cinema (it's too expensive for someone like me.) I'm considering to learn Korean and Japanese when I had time and money, just to be able to relate to your music better. Everything was so perfect...
And then, a few days earlier, I read about the news of the possibilty of you guys disbanding... Guess what? I cried. I though the lawsuit and things with the SME was done and over. (Clueless, naive me...) And I'm crying again writing this. Knowing that I just knew you guys and didn't even have the chance to show my support like all your fans around the world to this perfect group. So frustrating... What happen? This is the reason why I never wanted to be "involved" with celebrities. I tried to just enjoyed the music without paying too much attention on the singers and fortunately, there's no celebrity that is too much of a temptation. Until you guys... I'm sure no one knows exactly what happened, what you guys felt and wanted but this proves to be too much of a disappointment for us fans especially for those who had been with you guys since the debut. Sorry for being so selfish, but you guys must have known this would happen if you guys step into the harsh world of entertainment. And I'm sure everyone would still follow you guys whatever happens next but it would never be the same.
What's wrong with SM Entertainment?! Don't you want to resort things fast and justly? They are the Gods Rising From the East! Why not just try to compromise? Why the hell should this happen?
Can't someone, anyone just stop this? But if the rumors about the over-strict management is true, I don't blame you guys for wanting to esacape. There's too much problems and issues. In fact, I instruct you to do that. There's a visible line between strict and violence. If what you're paid is not enough too, I disagree. You guys work hard and you deserve all that you can get, not everything but not so little that you scarcely get the return of all the sweat and time you guys had invested. I hate it if people are mistreated. Stars or celebrities, there is still human side of normality in you guys. Never ever surrender to oppression! All of you should fight to break free. But why aren't you guys doing it together?
Max and U-Know, Xiah, Hero and Micky... Was everything all this time was just a hoax? I swear I could see you guys so close and care for each other. Is it about justice? Is it about profit? Is it about fame? Is it about dignity? I'll never know and I don't think I can trust whatever anyone or even you guys would say. After all, you guys live in a different world, glamorous, secretive, mysterious world that we could never be a part of and everything is so twisted, is there any truth left? I could never despise you, but I despise the world you guys live in because I know I'll never understand. Still, I adores you guys. I believe in your dream, in your music. I wish it is not in vain....
To U-Know Yunho, Max Changmin, Xiah Junsu, Hero JaeJoong and Micky YooChun, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NEVER EVER BREAK UP! DON'T DISBAND THIS WONDERFUL GROUP! It's not a threat or an instruction, this is a plea from your fan. I understand each and every single one of you have their own fan, there's no way you guys will fall even if you guys disband but it won't be perfect anymore. But it's not whole, not complete without any of you... I don't want to see you guys disband and goes solo. I know there are many reason for a group to disband and I watch it happen all the time around the world. You guys are different and perhaps wanted to do something new, or maybe you guys wanted to become known for yourself and break free. But you guys could always it or do solo song but still stay in the group and be in the same album, can't you? Now and then there are people and anti-fans who want to bring you down but you're still standing here. Don't back up now. Prove them to be wrong. Prove to us that you guys are still the same Tohoshinki that debuted and gradually captured our heart before.
Each one of you are unique in their own way, don't ever become jealous of each other or lose the trust and team spirit you have for the group. I don't care if you guys change the name, the company, the production or whatever at all but please, even if you guys involved heavily in acting, please make this group alive. No one could replace any of you. You guys are the rising gods from the East, aren't you? You can't make it without any of you left behind, isn't that's why you consider weird names such as the 5 major organs before? Sorry again for being such a cry-baby for trivial maters like this. But I'm sure there will be fans who's going to act crazy or suicide for you guys. Fans, please dont' do that... Don't scare them, make them feel guilty or pressured. Have pity on them.
Anyways, I hope you guys would find time to have fun, date and live your life to the fullest every single day. Take care of your health! Please... And do have your rest and don't forget to eat.
Fans, don't be too possessive about their personal life and love. Whatever their preference is, respect and support them. They're human too. And they're still our stars whatever happens. They'll need companion in life, understand the fact. Don't you guys pity them? So busy, working and doing thing for us fans all around the world. We're lucky enough to share their existence, their music and their time. When they said fans, it mean all of us. They do acknowledged and care about us. We help make them who they are. Don't ask for more. Don't pressure them. Just imagine all their fans giving pressure, do you think they could handle that? How on earth are they supposed to point out each and every single one of us? It's impossible so don't feel rejected or unappreciated because of this. They want you guys to enjoy the ride with them.
I wanted to become an official fan but I don't know how. I'm just so slow with technologies. I tried gettting into you official website but to no avail. Well, I don't mind. I'm just a nobody and I can't expect you guys to even realise of the existence of this "letter". How could you, it's a private post in my own secret blog. Just so you know, I'll always support you guys. Each an every single one of you. Love you guys. The only band with complete package, voice, dance, personlity, talent and etc. All of you own it! Different way and different style but trust me, all of you shines in each aspect. You guys have your own weaknesses and all. That's what makes you guys "believable" and real. That what attracts me to you guys. So, don't be ashamed of it. I just hope you guys would feel relaxed and relieved living your life though I know it must be tiring and hard sometimes. I'll pray for your success and well-being. Keep on fighting! Forever GODS of THE EAST, TOHOSHINKI!